One part of this is fiction, tried to format it in more of a poetry style. too much work. didn't spell check it. sorry.
And she begged me not to leave the bed but I did
I wasn't tired. I wasn't exausted, though from how I performed you
would think I would be. Must be the caffeine. Maybe the nicotine
not sure. But I got out of bed and I made myself a drink
I was still naked from the nights activities so I only slightly lean out
the back door for a cigarette. This isn't our house and I wouldn't
want the neighbors to see some random guy, naked
and smoking a cigarette
in the back yard
I could just smoke in the basement but I need
that random something that comes from the outdoors
at night in the suburbs. I complain about this quiet life
a lot but there is something to be said for the quietness
that follows the evenings of the dull people around here. The city is loud.
The city doesn't sleep. As the night pulses on, so do the people. They thrive on something you just don't get in the 'burbs. It's easy to live "the life" in the city, because the city really puts it in you. In the suburbs you have to have that something already there or it's lull will suck you in. For that same reason certain people do exceptionally well in the cities. They already know what it's like to have that energy beat through you. Others escape to the city because they know they'll die a slow, tired, lonely death if they stick around the boring sub-divisions and sleepy side streets of the 'burbs.
I think I heard her stir, or maybe it was a cat. That would be a big fucking cat.
I'm always a little sad when I don't just close my eyes, fall asleep and fulfill the american dream of drinking, screwing and being happy. She looks at me with those sleepy, drunken eyes, the eyes I've seen a million times, and something tells me I should just lay down and live that dream. And if I didn't have to lay down to live it I probably would. But that dream doesn't allow room for growth, room to expand, room to be great. I will be great.
I'll write an album, or two. I'll publish 5 or 6 books, novels of course. I'll write great masterpieces that will be around far longer than I will and age more beautifully. I will be remembered. I will be revered by those who didn't know me and missed by those who did. I will be loved for decades after I die by those who had only once made my acquaintance. A modern day legend, timeless and classic.
Right now I'm not. Right now I'm naked, in a reclining chair that probably cost more than my car, my lap top and my guitar combined. Right now I'm setting things up. I'm living the life that will be the basis for that novel. I'm speaking the lines that will raise my album up to greatness. I'm seeing that things that will inspire my masterpieces to be gorgeous.
I'm getting tired. I'm becoming exausted. Another cigarette doesn't seem to keep me up. Another drink defiantly didn't help. I'll go back to bed, but know this. I wont lay down and let the american dream sneak up on me. I wont pass out and allow myself to fall into the trenches of boredom that come with a conventional life. I wont give up.